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Showing posts from January, 2014

Tactics of a Narcissistic Mother by Gail Meyers

The Narcissist's Smear Campaign

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© by Gail Meyers
The narcissist's smear campaign involves gossip, lies and slander. You can become the target of a narcissist's smear campaign for numerous reasons. It can be anything from their insane jealousy, to the fact that the narcissist knows you see through their facade, to concealing their abuse or for simply disagreeing with them.

In my experience, the smear campaign is always used by abusers for what they consider premeditated damage control in anticipation of exposure. My alcoholic pedophile step-father used it during the years he sexually abused me, as well as continuing in it once I was an adult. Of course, that was first and foremost to keep me quiet about the abuse. Secondly, it was an attempt to discredit me so no one would believe me should I decide to tell. My narcissistic personality disordered mother used smear campaigns against her scapegoat children, anyone she was jealous of, anyone who attempted to hold her accountable, and anyone who saw through…

A Narcissist's Silent Treatment

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Narcissistic Mother's Silent Treatment
© by Gail Meyers The silent treatment is "the act of ignoring and excluding a person or group by another person or group." It is a passive-aggressive form of communication that conveys contempt, disapproval and displeasure. It can be used in virtually any relationship for a variety of reasons, but control is the core issue in the silent treatment.
The silent treatment can be so destructive to relationships that John Gottman included it as one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse in relationships. In other words, it is a relationship buster. While some may use the silent treatment prior to learning more effective communication skills, chronic emotional manipulators often repeatedly use it to control, punish, test boundaries, avoid accountability and avoid even discussing unpleasant issues.
This discussion of the silent treatment starts out by joining Roger S. Gil, MAMFT for a closer look at the silent treatment in the context …

Narcissistic Mothers Play the Victim While Vilify the True Victim

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Narcissistic Mother Playing the Victim  While Vilifying the True Victims Video


© by Gail Meyers
First up in the chronic emotional manipulator's bag of dirty tricks are pleas for pity, playing the victim, martyrdom, and vilifying the true victim. This is the first dirty trick in this series because of the destruction it can cause. This includes immediate results, as well as cumulative effects over the course of time.

Pleas for pity are a favorite of narcissistic emotional manipulators because compassionate people do not want to see people suffer. Manipulators know this, so they often resort to manipulating with pity in an attempt to get what they want rather than taking the honest approach of simply asking and allowing you to freely answer. The first step for codependents is recognizing when and how they are being manipulated. There is a distinction between helping someone who truly needs it and being played by a narcissistic manipulator.

In the mind of a manipulative narcissist…

Narcissistic Psychological Manipulators

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© by Gail Meyers While we can all be manipulative at times, there are those among us who chronically and deceitfully manipulate others.  My narcissistic mother not only consistently used manipulation tactics, it was as if she was perfecting her craft.  
What is Emotional or Psychological Manipulation? To manipulate is: 
"to negotiate, control or influence something or someone cleverly, skillfully or deviously.""to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner."Who Are the Emotional Manipulators?Ross A. Rosenberg provides a strong foundation by defining an "emotional manipulator" as one with pathological narcissism, including these three personality disorders:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD)Or, someone suffering from a chemical or behavioral addiction, such as sex addiction or gambling, is also considered an emotional manipulator because their addiction …

Recognizing Double Bind Coercion

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© by Gail Meyers As adult sons and daughters of narcissistic personality disordered mothers, we are intimately familiar with double binds.  The proverbial double bind is a form of control without open coercion.  In other words, it is using a manipulation tactic without looking like you are manipulating.  It is being put in a damned if we do, damned if we don't situation, and damned if you say anything about it.

Double bind dilemmas leave us feeling trapped, confused and often exhausted. This article looks at five types of double binds, as well providing effective solutions. 



1.  The Ultimatum Double BindA dilemma requiring a decision between one thing and another thing, but choosing either one of them will bring a consequence you do not want to experience. Then, if you comment or confront the person bringing you this dilemma, that will bring you a consequence you do not want.All three responses will bring you consequences you do not want.So you decide you are not going to parti…

Trauma Bonding with a Narcissistic Mother

© by Gail Meyers
Are you suffering from Stockholm Syndrome as a result of childhood abuse at the hands of a narcissistic personality disordered mother?  Stockholm Syndrome, or trauma bonding, is an effective survival technique used to endure childhood abuse.
However, these symptoms can continue well into adulthood. As recovering adults in pursuit of healthier lives, recognizing the symptoms, behaviors and thought processes associated with Stockholm Syndrome is helpful. What is Stockholm Syndrome?On 23 August 1973 Jan-Erik “Janne” Olsson walked into Kreditbanken at Norrmalmstorg, central Stockholm, to rob the bank. Police were called in immediately, but Olsson opened fire, injuring one policeman and taking four hostages.
He demanded his friend, Clark Olofsson, be brought to the bank along with a car. Negotiators gave permission for Olofsson to be brought in. Olsson and Olofsson then barricaded the inner main vault in which they kept the hostages.
Negotiators agreed that they cou…